Whatever loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief is a natural response to loss and is a highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you.
Grief is the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.
The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss—and the more significant the loss, the more intense your grief will be. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with bereavement, the death of a loved one—which is often the cause of the most intense type of grief—but any loss can cause grief.
Grieving is a highly individual experience; there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and how significant the loss was to you. Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.
Myths and facts about grief and grieving:
| MYTH | FACT |
The pain will go away faster if you ignore it. |
Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief an actively deal with it. |
| It is important to “be strong”’ in the face of loss |
Feeling sad, frightened or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to ‘protect’ your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feeling can help them and you. |
| If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss. | Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They simply may have other ways of showing it. |
| Grieving should last about a year. | There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person. |
| Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss. |
Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss –but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining who we are. |
Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving.
While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
Acknowledge your pain: Accept that grief can trigger many different and unexpected emotions: Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you: Seek out face-to-face support from people who care about you: Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically: Recognise the difference between grief and depression.
Many people feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who’s grieving.
Grief can be a confusing, sometimes frightening emotion for many people, especially if they haven’t experienced a similar loss themselves. They may feel unsure about how to comfort you and end up saying or doing the wrong things. But don’t use that as an excuse to retreat into your shell and avoid social contact. If a friend or loved one reaches out to you, it’s because they care.
Finding the right words when someone is grieving can be difficult, but being honest and allowing them to be heard is a good start.
But many find themselves at a loss for words — unsure of what to say (or not to say). it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to take someone’s pain away. It is for you to help them feel heard. The most important thing is letting your loved one know that you’re there, so it’s best to be upfront. People want to feel both heard and understood.
What not to say to someone grieving:
Some of these sentiments were said to those who were grieving which made them feel that their grief as dismissive.
- “At least you had them for as long as you did.”
- “They’re in a better place now.”
- “At least now you get to know what’s really important in life.”
- “This will make you a better person in the end. You won’t always feel this bad.”
- “This is all part of the plan.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- ‘Someone I know has experienced what you are going through ….”
Often these sorts of responses occur because we’re hardwired to not only fix situations we perceive as problems, but to assuage our own concerns. When you respond to someone navigating a hard time with phrases like the above, you’re letting them know that your discomfort is more important than their honest feelings.
Source: Psych Central and HelpGuide.org